Monday, September 29, 2008
Is it STILL 2008?
I am ready for this year to be over. It has been one crappy year. Things are not getting better either. I hate to complain when I am sure that others are in worse conditions than my family, but my goodness, what else!?!?! Justin has been feeling so bad about living all the way out here in Louisiana. When his father passed away in May, he wanted to just pick up and move back to Utah so we could help his mom out. Just be around, you know? So I went out there to help out for a little while to help but we had to come back eventually. When my dad was in the motorcycle accident, I wanted to be back out there too... to help with all the stuff going on in my family. Especially now that he has lost his leg. I know my parents tell me all is going well, and I believe them to a certain extent, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be there to take care of them. And now, Justin's mom has fallen and broken some ribs. This is just crazy and Justin is going to have a nervous breakdown... I know he is on the verge of it. He feels the obligation to be taking care of his mom. He wants to be with her to make sure things are getting done. He wants to be there to make sure she isn't falling down and breaking ribs! I agree. We were out there for 2 whole years where nothing of great consequence happened. It is when we are furthest away that these things happen. Like when his brother died, it was when we were here, before. I just don't know what to tell him. We have to be where the job is. We realize that everyone is given trials. But it is just difficult to understand why we cannot be closer now, when his mom and my parents need us the most. We feel like bad kids. We always look at people who don't take care of their parents with disdain. We just don't understand why they would not feel the obligation to take care of the very people who gave them life. So, now, when it is most important for us to be there for our parents, where are we? On the entire other side of the country. I hope that someday I do understand why all of this is happening. I hope that someday I will find that it was all for the best and that our stint here was not a big, huge waste of time. I hope that someday that things might get a little easier. But it never does, does it? As a child, you think things will be so much better when you are an adult. When you can stay up as late as you want. When you have all kinds of money to buy whatever you want. When you don't have to go to school everyday. But when you are a grown-up you can stay up late, but you never feel rested... you have more money, but can never get the things you want because you always have to buy things you need... and you don't have to go to school everyday, unless you are a professor... It never does get easier, does it? So, 2009 really won't be any better than 2008. Justin's dad will still be gone. His mom will still be alone. My dad will still have lost a leg. We will still be in Louisiana. I will still be trying to lose weight. Justin will still be stressed out because he cannot take care of his mom. We will just all be older. I am not having a pity party. Well, ok, maybe a little one. I just keep thinking about all this stuff and it sometimes help to get it out there. Sometimes it doesn't... This is probably one of those times.
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4 comments:
You really have been dealt a rough hand this past year. I, too, hope that you can understand the purpose of all of this sooner rather than later. Until then, hang in there and know that there are a lot of people in this world who love you and are thinking of you often!
Things will get better Jen. Please know that Dad & I are doing alright. He's still alive! Very sleepy all the time, but we've dealt with that before. He does a little better each day. He's even going to co-direct and be in a reader's theater play! He'll be driving his car again soon and will get some of his independence back. (I've put 3000 miles on his car since July 3rd!)As soon as he gets through the Fall CFS thing, he'll continue his road to recovery. There really wasn't anything you could do for us, except your owesome hugs, that we couldn't do for ourselves. We've been independent for so long, that it hasn't been too difficult. Plus our Ward family has stepped up beautifully. Of course, if you had lived here it would have been perfect, but since you don't we'vejust relyed on your prayers and phone calls. They have meant so much to us. You ARE DOING THE VERY BEST YOU CAN for both of your families right now. Your concern and love is what you can do RIGHT NOW. Stop beating yourselves up! We understand and love you. We will all get through this. Mommy
Oh, good grief, girl! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get yourself together. Your family is HEALTHY and you have food to eat. Your parents are doing fine and Justin's mom will be taken care of. She knows that her son has to provide for his family and we are entering a recession, for pete sakes. If a job comes up in the west, by all means, grab it but until then you are where the good lord put you and you will regret not making the best of it. When life gives you lemons make lemonade and if you don't have the recipe I'll loan you mine. Now, for goodness sakes, where are we going to have lunch tomorrow?? :)
I think sometimes life just sux's! Hang in there!
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