One battle won

So many people have responded to my Warriors post, that I feel like I need a follow-up.  Nothing in my life has changed in the last few days...  well not much...  I will get to that in a minute...

I have been thinking a lot about what I wrote about in the last couple of days.  I have been wracking my brain with ways to try to be a better mother and more patient and more spiritual.  I really thought it would be easier.  I have always know about free-agency.  I have always known that everyone has the opportunity to make their own choices.  But I also have always had that scripture in the back of my mind that says, train up a child the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.  I think that is in Proverbs 22.  Anyway, that is what I have always been taught and have counted on.  I thought that if I just made sure that we were reading our scriptures having family prayers, having Family Home Evening that my children would be good, obedient children who would do what I ask, when I ask.  I know that is a little unrealistic, but I was at least pretty sure they would not kill each other...   now I am not so sure.

I remember arguing, okay fighting, with Chris and Tina.  I remember beating them up!  But I did not think my kids would behave this way to one another.  I wonder, daily what I have done to make my children so contentious!  I know, I am not exactly the best about speaking calmly and collectedly when I am upset, but I expect a lot more from them.  They are the chosen generation.  My children should come out of the womb able to negotiate calmly and without force or physical violence.  No.  I was way wrong about this one. 

I will tell you a little bit of success that we have had this week.  Monday night I had planned a big FHE lesson complete with scriptures and an activity and I was going to be the best mom ever.  The kids were going to be amazed by my spirituality...  as was my husband.  But when I got home from picking up Justin from school, it was late, 6:00pm, the kids had not eaten yet, and I was bombarded with yelling, screaming and fighting children.  Caroline was mad that Hilton was not respecting her authority as the babysitter and Hilton thought Caroline was taking the position of a dictatorial proletariat.  (Those were not his exact words...)  There was crying, there was screaming, there was some hitting and kicking and I had had it.  I had just written this post about my beautiful warriors that day, but I wanted them to be warriors for the truth.  I wanted them to be warriors for righteousness.  I wanted them to be warriors for peace...  I did not want them to be warriors in a civil war in our own home.  So what did I do?  I screamed!!!  I screamed at the top of my lungs!!!  I told everyone to sit down!!!  We were going to have FHE right then and there.  I took a few deep breaths and asked my very in control, very calm husband to say the prayer.  And then we had a discussion about having a home where the spirit can reside.  We talked about how the Spirit will leave our home when we are yelling and screaming and fighting.  Hilton was a little confused since he was just baptized and understood that he now had the gift of the Holy Ghost and did not understand how or why He would leave.  At first, Hilton just laid on the floor mumbling under his breath, occasionally kicking one of us...  But by the end, he had decided it was worth participating.  Caroline cried a little because she knew she had been the cause of a lot of contention lately.  Even Lorelai said she knew the house is happy when the Holy Ghost is here.  I feel like it was a great discussion and a way better lesson than the one I had prepared about responsibility...  (Which I am saving for next week.)  And in the past few days, there has been less contention in our home.  There has been a lot less drama.  The kids are working really hard to keep the Spirit here.  Last night Caroline was yelling about something and Hilton said, "The Holy Ghost is going to leave our house if we keep yelling."  Boy did that shut her up!  Lorelai has been praying at every meal that her brother and sister will be nice to keep the Holy Ghost in our home.  It has only been a couple of days, but it has been nice.


And I read the responses from all of my friends...  and I see that I am really not alone.  I know I said this in the last post, but sometimes I really don't believe it.  I think that I have got to be the worst mom ever.  I read other friends' blogs about all of the fun activities they did with their kids and the clothes they made them and the amazing organic meals they make them and the well-thought out and planned Family Home Evenings they have and how smart their kids are being in this AP class and that advanced program and how their children are reading to them while they are nursing them and how they are doing formula's for NASA on the side and being potty trained before they can walk...  I think that I am definitely the worst mother ever.  My daughter still needs me to wipe her bottom every time she goes potty...  she still sucks a binki!!!  We are having leftovers for dinner tonight...  I have a pile of clean laundry on my bed right now that needs to be folded.  Our downstairs has toys and pillows everywhere and our upstairs looks like FAO Schwartz threw up in it...  Our dog needs to be bathed, we are almost out of milk, my hair is a mess because I did not dry it after I washed it, I am wearing sweats, I ate a Totino's pizza for lunch, I would much rather be reading a book than getting dinner ready right now and I am sitting here writing this blog... 

But I have found out that I am not alone in all of this.  Whether you have 3 kids or 7 kids, if you are a mom, you totally get it!  You know that it is really hard to raise children right now.  You know that you want them to be righteous, Christians who are independent thinkers, but who are obedient to the commandments.  You know that you want them to be compassionate and good and polite.  But you also want them to stand up for truth and righteousness and not anyone push them around and tell them they are wrong for their opinions even if they are a little conservative or a little liberal.  I want my kids to be the ones who look for the people out there who are outsiders and who need a friend, and I want them to say, "I am going to be nice to them.  I am going to accept them."  This is what I want.  This is what I know all of you want.  Or at least some version of this. 

I am going to work at it.  I feel like I won a small battle Monday night.  But the war is far from over.