Thursday, February 11, 2010
All by myself
I have been working on getting healthy and it is not an easy task. In the morning when I am trying to exercise Lorelai is either crying for me to sit on the couch and read with her, or she is climbing all over me when I am trying to do push-ups. So far I have lost 14 lbs. I feel like I have lost weight because my clothes are a little looser... but this change just seems to be taking forever. I have weeks where I lose nothing at all. This is very discouraging. I am also not great at staying on an eating plan. I always start out really great in the morning, but by mid--afternoon, I have forgotten to eat and I am ravenous. So what ends up happening is that I either don't eat enough, or I eat something totally unhealthy. This has been a struggle my entire life. I know it will be. I just wish that it did not have to be so darn hard. I wish I could see a little more progress a little faster. I am really trying to do something here. I just wish the support were there. I know that those who read my blog support me. That is not the issue. I know that my family wants to support me. I know that the Lord is supporting me. So why does it feel so lonely? This is something that only I can do. When it comes right down to it, only I can monitor what I put in my face. Only I can make sure I get up and work out. It is only me who can keep track of my calories. It is just me. So no matter how many people are supporting me... it is still up to me. That kind of stinks. Most of the time I like to be in control. If I want it done right, I will just do it myself. The one time when I don't want to do it myself, is when I have to. So I am working on it. I am frustrated and angry. I want to feel good. All I can do is do it all by myself.
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4 comments:
I hear you sister! It really is a lonely quest even though there is support out there. Everytime you put something in your mouth, is YOUR decision and each time I put something in MY mouth is MY decision and choice. Same with exercise. My Wii Fit tells me I'm obeise and that I gain 2 more pounds, and where have I been in the past few days....intimidation by electronics! I do feel your pain and frustration and you know I am in your cheering section. But this entire "wellness program" really does come down to our individual choices. Rats! 14 pounds is great though. As you build muscle, you be able to burn more fat. Keep it up!!!! Luv Mommy
Sometimes I wish I just had a nutritionist say you are going to eat this, this, and this today. Or it'd be nice to have someone fix your healthy meal and say here ya go! Remember, I am just down the road and if you ever want a work out buddy, I'm here for evenings and weekends. I haven't minded the BYUI gym.
Way to go Jenny! 14 pounds is definitely something to celebrate!! Hang in there- I have trouble with controlling the hand that feeds my face as well :)
14 pounds is fantastic! I know its hard and that you feel alone but there are SO many people trying to do what you are doing and even though it is individual you can at least get support from others who are working hard like you! Keep up the awesome work! You can do it!!!
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